I am acutely aware of how inadequte I am, in and of myself, to walk in the magnitude of what God is calling me to. But the Spirit inside reminds me I will be given all I need and will be prepared in every way. However, preparation often requires stretching, molding, shaping, and disciplining. And those processes aren't comfortable. Sometimes, they're downright painful.
As my "launch clock" ticks down, I see God bringing me to and through just these things. This past weekend God shook me up in some of the deepest places that I had allowed to be lulled to sleep. You see, as much as I hate to admit it or want to deny it, so many times I am a Martha and not a Mary.
I get really good at the doing. Sometimes it's for my own purposes-to fufill something I'm missing or desiring and trying to fill in my own strength and ability. Sometimes I do things to feed the black tar of pride and selfishness that have grown stealthily in parts of my unsurrendered heart. And sometimes what I do is well-intentioned and genuinely in the purpose of serving the Lord and because I want to see the goodness, grace, beauty, and love of God living and breathing amongst people all over the earth. But regardless of the motivation for ANY of the doing, I am completely missing the big picture if I am only putting effort into seeking the THINGS of God and not God Himself.
So often I'm Martha, working hard like I'm "supposed to" with the intention of serving Jesus, growing in frustration because the work seems like it's never going to get done, and I'm asking Jesus to send me help. I want Him to see that I'm toiling away for Him and be rewarded with His commendation and accommodation. But that's not what comes. Not even close. Instead, He urgently, but ever so lovingly, reminds me of this: the BEST place is at His feet.
It's at His feet that He teaches me. It's at His feet that I'm fully satisfied, fully at peace. It's at His feet that I'm filled with His righteousness and love. It's at His feet that the weight of His life and sacrifice penetrates my heart. It's at His feet that I discover more and more about His character and nature. And it's at His feet that I fall more in love with the One who loved me first. From that all other things will flow.
I have been missing this for far too long-but God in His supreme goodness, beckons me out of the kitchen. Leave the meal. Leave the things that can wait or don't matter. All of it is rotting garbage in comparison to the treasure of simply being with Him and discovering His heart. He will provide all I need; I just need to choose the best-to be at His feet.