Support-raising. Fund-raising. Financial backing. Itineration. Whatever you want to call it, and regardless of your feelings about it, it has become my life right now. And it can feel so disheartening at times because I often feel so stuck. I'm trying and yet it doesn't seem to be enough. And I don't know which way to go or what to do next or if I even have the time or energy to "do the next thing," whatever that may be.
And I've also been struggling with the whole big idea. The doubt is trying to creep in and whisper, "this can all be over if you just choose not to go. You can move somewhere else, get a job, start over, and just live your life." How silver-tongued the enemy can be.
But his plan to thwart me seems to be having the opposite effect on my heart. While it may SOUND nice in the moment, the actual thought of walking away from it all makes me realize all the more how much I WANT to be in South Africa in January. Not March, not June, JANUARY. My prayers are going deeper and becoming more focused and frequent. And I believe God will bring the breakthrough and the provision. I really feel Him in it all, urging me to keep moving on and giving me more strength where it didn't seem possible. He reminds me of two prophetic words spoken over me back in 2012, "You will reap a harvest if you do not grow weary." "Keep casting your bread out unto the water, and it will come back to you." How alive do these words seem to me now, and how much do I need them!!!
Yes, I'm finding this season to be one of the most exhausting times of my life, but also one of the most challenging in a good way. And sometimes even the most beautiful. People I've never met will over-hear a conversation about my journey and want to meet with me and encouarge me and pray for me. Others who are already supporting will say, "We can do a little more." My heart leaps and falls more in love with Jesus. These moments remind me He is working for me on my behalf, that He has called me, and that He is ALWAYS in control.
So please continue to pray for me, and pray for the miraculous in my budget. To make it by January would be nothing short of a miracle for sure, but I'm going to continue to pray and believe for it. I'm desperate to see God's hand do what I'm not able to do in my own self. I'm desperate for my trust in God's faithfulness to go deeper than ever before. I'm desperate to see what only He can do for South Africa and her wonderful people.
I'm desperate for the miraculous.
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